Consent is Sexy: an interview and sexy photos with Tobias Kokot
At first impression Tobias has a bit of a feminine and playful demeanor, and yet in a world full of drifting and handsome western “Peter Pan’s,” my sense right away was that this young man has been doing his personal and professional work. He is on his path. He is sharing his gifts with direction and integrity. Tobias calls himself the “Edible Alchemist.” He currently lives in Melbourne, Australia and he has a degree in nutritional chemistry. http://ediblefoods.com.au/
Later, when Tobias told me that he was facilitating “Consent is Sexy” workshops at festivals, I knew that I wanted to learn more about this man. In this blog is an interview that we did about conscious consent, as well as a few photos from our fun and sexy photo session together. Tobias is an inspiration to me on how to show up in the world.
Tobias, can we start by you telling me what “consent” and “impeccability” mean to you?
“Consent is consciously entering someone's space and opening your own. It can be conscious touch, or verbal communication. It is the act of seeking permission by asking or eye gazing, creating a space of clarity and acknowledgement in all actions. Impeccability is when all people involved act in their integrity. This means honoring oneself and others by being clear, open, honest and vulnerable. The rest is accepting that everything is imperfect and that is okay.”
In your workshops, how do you invite men to show up for women around boundaries and consent?
“Meditate and feel what it means to be patient. You'll need every bit of it when the fire of desire rises. The most powerful aphrodisiac and sexiest attribute is a man who can hold his space with confidence and strong values. Integrity in your actions, and conscious touch are the characteristics that will make anyone feel relaxed, open and trusting around you.”
How do you invite women to show up for men?
“Practice clear communication. Saying yes comes naturally for you, but boundaries can only be recognized when you express them clearly. Your needs/wants can only be considered if you share them openly. If he really is the right man to hold space for you, he will understand and he will be able to speak openly with you. Don’t mix your words with any desire of manipulating a certain course of action or outcome: if you want something, say it. This will also help your lover to be more relaxed, loving and open.”
Why is conscious consent so important in intimate connections?
“By asking for consent you make the other person feel safe. Trust is the result. And trust is the gateway to the heart. You'll be able to connect deeply and with greater presence. As men, one of our main purposes in life is to be in our authentic self and to hold a safe space for woman. Once created and maintained, a woman can be in this space, open and trusting."